White Is Right!

This week, Britney Spears released her 6th album, Circus. The “singer” has faced various forms of controversy and criticism, and like a phoenix, has arisen from her self-imposed ashes.

Ever since her infamous performance at the VMA’s where she fumbled and bumbled all over the stage with a look on her face that said “I just left Walgreens with Mariah Carey’s prescriptions”, the media and her fans have been anxiously awaiting the return of Brit-Brit.

Now I’m first to admit, the media and the tabloids savaged Britney. I would go crazy too if I had a dozens of cameras in my face every time I left my house or ate a bag of chips. The problem I have with Ms. Spears is what she represents: the precious flower of white womanhood that is allowed to fall, but by all means, must be allowed the opportunity to return to their rightfully deserved thrones.

If you question my theory, let me ask you a few questions. What do you think would happen to Rhianna’s career if she was photographed getting out of a car sans panties, with her legs spread, and then followed it up by celebrating her birthday at a club while lifting up her skirt and smashing her ass against the window? What do you think would happen to Beyonce’s career if she, instead of marrying a successful rapper/entrepreneur, married one of her back-up dancers (whom she stole from his pregnant wife)? What do you think would happen to Mary J. Blige’s career if she had children and fed them Kool-Aid instead of Similac, took them to her dentist to get their teeth whitened, and then lost custody of them? We all know that Mariah is crazy, but what would happen to her career if she actually shaved her head bald, and was photographed stabbing an SUV with an umbrella? Well here’s the answer: Rhianna would be labeled as a “slut”, Beyonce would be labeled as a “home wrecker”, and Mary would be labeled as “ghetto mama”. All five of their careers would cease to exist as we know them, and we would no longer have the opportunity to see Mary wailing in furs, Rhianna lip synching at awards shows, or Beyonce and Mariah’s weaves being fanned while they belt out power ballads. There would only be abandonment, embarrassment, and public humiliation.

Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, the white woman has been heralded as the purest, most desired and most beautiful species on the planet. Wars have been waged because of them, men have died simply for glancing at them, and multiple businesses have been created for other women to look like them (I’m looking at you Lee’s Beauty Supply). Because of this mentality, white women have been given the subconscious theory that if you no longer want your kids, you can simply drive them in a river and say that a black man did it, or if a crime has been committed, and you’re unsure about the perpetrator, just say “he was tall, kinda stocky, and dark complexioned.”

We can simply look at the affect of society’s view of the white woman by looking at the NFL and NBA. White women are “NBA/NFL wives” while black women have been relegated to the roles of “baby mommas” that stay in the judicial system fighting for black athletes to take care of their own children.

In retrospect, can we really blame Britney for this? She is simply following in the footsteps of her idol, Madonna, who has been able to retain the title of “Queen of Pop” after spending most of the 90’s participating in videotaped orgies and entering public sexcapades with rappers and athletes. Let this be a lesson to you Beyonce, Condoleezza Rice, and Penelope Cruz; don’t slip up, because unlike the Lindsay Lohans, Sarah Palins, and Pamela Andersons of the world, you’re not as worthy of a second chance as our Anglo-Saxon princesses.