Please Go Away

After a very short hiatus, Justin Timberlake has decided to reemerge and grace us with his presence. Like Beyonce, he just cannot stay out of the limelight.

I certainly had my fill of JT after he ripped Janet Jackson’s breast out of her costume during the infamous Super Bowl 38 Halftime Show, and followed it up by throwing her to the wolves. Never mind the Michael Jackson rip-off that was his first album, or that incredibly annoying falsetto that he, along with other white male artists feel compelled to use when they want to show that they “got soul”; exposing the pop icon in front of the world and then placing the blame solely on her was simply unforgiveable.

A couple of years have passed and my levels of disdain for Mr. Timberlake have slowly subsided. I thought his performance in Alpha Dog was not half bad, his comedic timing during his hosting gig on Saturday Night Live was pretty spot on, especially the infamous “Dick In a Box” sketch, and after hating myself for it, I feel in love with “Sexy Back”. I was willing to forgive his overly priced yet uninspired clothing line, along with his sleep-inducing HBO concert, but I was relieved when Justin decided to take a little bit of a post-tour hiatus from the media spotlight.

Well this past Saturday, Justin made an unexpected appearance on Saturday Night Live. He was featured in a sketch in which he, along with 2 white male SNL cast members, dressed in leotards and high heels and pretended to be the back-up dancers for Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video. In the skit, all three males fumbled and bumbled around sans-rhythm, giving the appearance of 3 feminine white men that were without any notable dancing skills. Here were my two problems with this sketch:

The first was not so much with Justin as it was with Beyonce. If I were her, I wouldn’t be caught dead sharing a single frame, stage, or song with Justin Timberlake. I know that it is vital to one’s career to work with “current” artists, but without Janet, there would be no Beyonce, so to perform with Justin is, in my book, to side with him. Secondly, let’s face facts here Justin, we all know that if necessary, you could’ve hit every single hip shake, every floor sweep, every weave toss of that “Single Ladies” routine, so to pretend like those days of 8 counts you performed as a member of N’Sync didn’t teach you anything, is just disingenuous.

After going through the SNL experience, I then had to suffer through Rhianna’s new video for “Rehab” in which Mr. Timberlake is featured as both a vocalist and as the man that she is lusting after, or trying to get over, or something or other. I was left wondering if Chris Brown or Usher were too busy? I somewhat like Rhianna, but when I put the video on in surround sound in my living room, the combination of both of their whiney voices gave me an eerie feeling that someone had hidden a gang of pound puppies behind my couch.

I realize that many people that read this will think that I’m a hater, or that I just don’t respect Justin’s “artistic capabilities”, which is simply not true. I just hate that in an age where despite our obvious achievements, it has become increasingly difficult for black artists that truly have soul within their songs or refuse to commit acts of buffoonery in order to receive airplay continue to struggle to stay afloat in the entertainment industry, while this dance move stealing, falsetto abusing pop tart continues to rape all forms of media. We condemn our own artists for being unique and label them as being “weird”, while we continuously line up behind JT and shout, “that white boy shol can sang!”

Please Go Away

Recently in an interview with Maria Menounos of Access Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan conveyed her excitement of the election results by stating that she had "an amazing feeling. It's our first colored president"

Ignoring the obvious fact that anyone born after 1970 should know better than to refer to a minority in this country as "colored", I'd just like to know why anyone is interviewing this moron anyhow. Because she is participating in sexual experimentation in front of a world audience, or because she has made one or two decent films in her minor yet mediocre acting career, or because she has made a habit of making crotch shots to the paparazzi?

Lohan is a talented actress who once had a promising career, but she has allowed the "I'm young, rich and white" mentality of young Hollywood get the best of her.

Linday Lohan: you have had your time to shine, now please, go away.

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold

I, like many others, awoke this morning sharing the same feelings I had as a young child on Christmas morning. Giddy, and filled with excitement and pride. Pride, not just because we will officially have our first black President come 2009, but pride because of the fact that our country has sent the message that the fear mongering, lies, and slander that has gripped the political processes of the past 8 years will now cease to exist.

My mind then began to wander: "I wonder what John McCain is thinking?" Then I started to feel sorry for him. Then, as it sometimes does, my mind began to wander onto to the extreme.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Kill Bill saga, it is the story of “The Bride”, a pregnant assassin that is brutally beaten, shot in the head, and left for dead, all by her ex-lover and former colleagues. Four years later, she awakens from her coma, seething with revenge, and sets out to make those that have wronged her pay through brute force and retribution. She makes a list, dispatching her newly found enemies one by one, saving the best for last and hence, finally succeeding in killing Bill.

I then thought to myself, what if John McCain had a revenge list? A list for those that had a hand in destroying his latest, and more than likely final chance at fulfilling his dream of becoming President of the United States. Who are the five individuals that would complete this list, and why?

In turn, I bring to you, my vision of John McCain’s attack strategy:

5. George W. Bush- Due to the absolutely incompetent decisions that the eldest son of George H. W. Bush made while serving his two terms, he made it virtually impossible for any other Republican to immediately take over the role of President of the United States of America. His inept ability to understand diplomacy, his dedication to making decisions with his “gut”, and his tendency to spend our country’s money like a crack addict in need of a fix has given him approval ratings lower than those of Richard Nixon. In essence, to be in the same party as him is to automatically have the odds stacked against you. It also doesn’t help if you’ve voted in support of 4 out of 5 of his budgets.

4. Richard S. Fuld Jr.- Richard S. Fuld Jr. is the Chairman and CEO of Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. On September 15, 2008, Lehman Brothers filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. That day has come to be known as “Black Monday” in the world of commerce, and it was the first domino that led to the toppling of the financial services industry. That was also the day that John McCain stated that “the fundamentals of our economy are strong.” This was the beginning of the end of the McCain campaign, and without the utter greed of Richard S. Fuld Jr., the light on John McCain’s out of touch mentality may never have been shed.

3. Gayle Quinnell- You won’t recongnize the name, but you will definitely recognize the wild hair and ill-fitting McCain t-shirt. Gayle Quinnell is the McCain supporter whom at one of McCain’s dubious “town halls”, stood up and claimed that Barack Obama was an “Arab” that essentially couldn’t be trusted. This put McCain in a horrible position. He could stand there and do nothing, giving off the appearance that he sympathized with an ignorant bigot, or he could rip the microphone away, and defend the junior Senator, destroying all the swift boat tactics and "Hussein" utterances which had been utilized to scare voters. Thanks to Gayle Quinnell, John McCain was forced to face his supporters, and tell them that Obama was a “decent” man, and they must be “respectful”, because he “admires Sen. Obama and his accomplishments.” It definitely makes it tough to paint someone as a socialist and a terrorist sympathizer after you’ve already made it clear that you respect and admire them.

2. Tucker Bounds- Tucker Bounds was the spokesman of the McCain campaign. His job was to face the media and articulate the policies and platforms of John McCain, while pleading the case for why McCain was the best choice for the country. Instead, he fumbled around in statements, dodged questions, and gave vague responses. He allowed himself to be bested by various interviewers from CNN, MSNBC, and even Fox News. Fox News?

In an interview with Campbell Brown, he could not qualify the theory that Sarah Palin was equipped to be Commander in Chief if ever the time came. Contessa Brewer chastised him publicly for not being able to define how John McCain would be able to fund the bailout along with the war in Iraq without raising taxes. In an interview with Meghan Kelly on Fox News, he was unresponsive when confronted with the fact that all of Fox’s analysts had concluded that Obama would not raise taxes on the middle class, contradicting the claim that the McCain campaign had made. Bounds was speechless.

When you are a Republican spokesperson, and you freeze up during an interview segment on Fox News, you have literally failed at meeting the basic expectations of your job.

1. Sarah Palin- The governor of Alaska's task was simple. Grab disenfranchised Hillary supporters and energize the Conservative base, which frankly were never true fans of McCain's to begin with. The map was quite clear: give an aggressive acceptance speech at the RNC, reiterate talking points in interviews, and rally a demoralized party. Her failure to complete one of those tasks ultimately lead to her vice-presidential demise.

Sarah Palin's sudden rise and subsequent fall are a perfect example of what happens when you pluck an uniformed politician that prefers personal ambition to integrity, and proceed to place them in front of a global audience.

Palin's ability to make Dan Quayle look like Aristotle directly influenced voters perceptions of John McCain. The beating that she took at the hands of Katie Couric, Charles Gibson, and Tina Fey only added to the brutality of it. In McCain's defense, you think you could have done just a little bit of research, Sarah? Perhaps maybe glancing over the policies of the current administration, or at the very least, reading the Constitution, or a map even?

In the final week of his campaign, Palin offered the coup de grace: a shopping spree at both Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue. The revelation of a diva that manages to rack up a $150,000 bill in luxurious clothing for herself and her family in a 55 day time span was enough to eliminate that "Hockey Mom with Small Town Values" image the campaign had worked so hard to present. McCain was able to handle the pregnant 17 year old daughter, the historically humiliating interviews, and the profound lack of political gravitas, but this, this rendered him powerless.

Fortunately for all of us, we will never know what a McCain/Palin administration will look like, but as their party tears one another to shreds anonymously in the press, and Sarah Palin plots the future of her political career, I am reminded of the last words "The Bride" spoke to her nemesis, Elle Driver, prior to snatching out her eye: "Bitch, you don't have a future."

Innovator: Real People Doing Big Things

Barack Obama is the current President-elect of the United States of America. Born to a father from Kenya and a mother from Wichita, Kansas, Barack Obama fought adversity to go from a single parent household struggling to survive on food stamps, to the president of The Harvard Law Review. He has broken down doors by becoming the first African-American to ever serve as President of the United States of America, as of January 20, 2009. He has become a beacon of hope for those around the world that happen to dream beyond their means, and he has shown our society that a community organizer with monumental ideas can become the leader of the greatest nation in the world.